Google 'mommy guilt' and you'll get nearly a quarter million hits - from books, to news articles, to 'how-to' guides, to other moms pontificating on just why it is we suffer from this plague and how to avoid it.
In case you couldn't tell, I've been suffering from a round of mommy guilt lately. And for no good reason, either. I've been wanting to go and get my hair cut. I have a style I prefer, but I simply don't maintain it (thus a ponytail AGAIN today). It would mean going to the stylist every 6 weeks (which includes leaving Ds home with Dh), and spending $50. I first feel guilty for leaving Ds, even though it's only every 6 weeks and only for an hour. Then I feel guilty for asking Dh to watch Ds alone, even though he gladly does it. And they will both enjoying playing while I am gone, for sure. Then I feel bad for spending $50 on myself. Fifty measly dollars! It's not that we can't afford it, necessarily. But could it be better spent (or saved) on him? And every other time Ds throws a fake fit over something unimportant, even though I know it's all crocodile tears and spilled milk, I still don't like seeing him unhappy. (Don't get me started on real tears! When Ds fell at day care the other week and nearly knocked a tooth out, resulting in a trip to Children's Hospital Urgent Care, even though he was perfectly fine after a dose of Motrin and the tooth tightened right back up after a day, *I* nearly had a nervous breakdown.) So I know all this guilt is simply insanity. So why, then, all the guilt anyways?
Reading through the links from Google, there are all sorts of causes for mommy guilt, from the mundane (I use disposable diapers and am therefore ruining the Earth; I bought my kids McDonald's instead of cooking a meal for them; I am going out for a night with friends; If I have to read that book one more time I will lose my mind, even though it's my child's most favorite book) to the slightly more stressful (I work outside the home and don't spend enough hours each day with my child; My child hasn't met xyz milestone and ALL the other children his/her age are doing that; I yelled at my child, even though they didn't do anything wrong and I am just tired)... the list goes on an on.
As I searched for a nugget of information which really spoke to me (rather than simply parroting things I already know), I came to one simple realization: All the books, articles, tips, tricks, and advice cannot stop mommy guilt. There is no stopping mommy guilt. It comes with the territory. No matter how many times your husband/mother/friend/kids' teachers/priest/random person at the supermarket tell you what a wonderful child you have and what a great job you are doing, there will always be something to stress about. It starts with sleeping and nursing, quickly followed by milestone marks and eating solid food (and still sleeping); then once they are mobile we have 976,542 small heart attacks every day as they bump, fall, and smash themselves around the house (and for some of us, still that pesky sleep problem). Then it's on to school, social behavior, making (and keeping, and losing) friends, dating, car keys, college... Then they are grown up, married, and having children of their own. But you never stop worrying, you never stop thinking you could do more, you could have been better. Never.
And why? Why all the worry? Because we love them, that's why. Because we want them to grow up to be Superman, Wonder Woman, President, The Smartest Doctor Ever, The Most Brilliant (and Compassionate) Lawyer (even if Ghandi already took that job). We want to be there for them always, we want to only shower them with love, we want to provide them with everything their little hearts desire (within reason). But we're not perfect, and so we can't always protect them, and we can't always provide the perfect life for them, and sometimes we need a little time (and, yes, money) to ourselves. So maybe the mommy guilt, even when it's unfounded, makes us better mommies. Because we just want what's best for our children, and isn't that what our job as parents is?
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